It’s always been there. It’s in one of the most famous passages in the Bible. Why hadn’t I seen it before? I had one of those moments this morning, reflecting on Alistair Begg’s message last Sunday in which he explained his advice to a grandmother that she attend her granddaughter’s same-sex wedding. He’s been blasted for it, sometimes far beyond what he deserves, for example in a blistering condemnation The Christian Post responded to in an opinion piece. (More on that below.)

Begg is one of just three pastors I’ve put on my podcast listening list, other than friends of mine who are pastors. I put him there because I consider him one of the three best. I love his commitment to the love and truth of God, and his wise teaching of the Scriptures. I’ve never known anything to complain about except the same beef I have with every speaker from either Scotland or Ireland: His accent gives him a totally unfair advantage over the rest of us who speak and teach. (Yes, it’s a joke.)

So I was more than a little surprised to hear about the advice he gave this grandmother last fall about her granddaughter’s same-sex wedding. This time I think he was wrong.

Complicated Questions, Yet with Clear Signposts

This is an enormously complicated issue for believers with gay, lesbian, or trans family members. “How do I stand my ground and show my love at the same time?” That was the question of his message, which he took from Luke 15, the parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son. View the message (it’s included below) and you will sense just how seriously he wrestles with that question.

Still I think he missed a crucial principle. When we’re in a swirl of not knowing what to do, it’s always wise to ask, “Is there anything I do know for sure?” Clear answers in this whirlwind are like signposts in a blinding dust storm. They help you keep your bearings and can point you in the right direction. There are at least three clear signpost answers connected to this question. He sees one of them well enough, but not so much the other two.

Signpost 1: Act in Love

The first crystal-clear fact, which Begg gets very right, is that God calls us to love. In this context it means loving sinners, including those who have rejected us and who reject Jesus Christ. He died for us while we were yet enemies, after all (Romans 5:1-8). By loving others we live according to God’s own love, and we also display the humility of knowing we, too, have lived in opposition to God.

The shepherd in Luke 15 left the 99 safe sheep behind to go find the one that was lost. The woman dropped everything to find the lost coin. Both parables speak of pursuing the lost, and Jesus caps both with, “There is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Jesus wants us to see how love compels us to do all we can do in Christ to turn the lost back to Him. This was at the core of Begg’s message, and it is undeniably true.

Next in Luke 15 comes the parable of the prodigal son. (This is the part I had not noticed before.) The shepherd left the sheepfold behind to go find one lost sheep, the woman set everything else aside to find the lost coin, but the prodigal’s father did not go looking for his lost son. Why not? Clearly it’s not because he didn’t love his son. Brad Jersak points out the father actually did go out looking for the other son, who was lost in a different kind of sin. So why didn’t he go chasing after the prodigal?

Let’s look first at two more signposts, things we know for sure, and then we’ll come back to that.

Signpost 2: Follow Jesus’ Real Example

In his message, Pastor Begg reminds us of “All the publicans and sinners who said, ‘We got to go meet Jesus,’ and the Pharisees were grumbling, ‘Can you believe this thing? He goes to the house of publicans and sinners, He meets with sinners.’” This is true. Love for sinners includes being with them. Listening to them. Enjoying time together.

A gay friend invited me to a party, where I knew I would be one of the few straight men there. I went, I enjoyed the conversation, I had a good time. My friend knew exactly where I stood on sex and sexuality, and that I had no intention of budging. Still, some time later when I asked him, “Do you know I love you?” he paused just a moment or two before answering “Yes.”